I'm afraid of the cold, the silence, and the wind chimes.

When I was in sixth grade I was afraid of dying.
I used to go to bathroom when I heard
the medi-vac helicopter pass over the school
watch it out the window 
swing blades like frying pans
like wind chimes
like maple leaves and whirly-gigs.
Some how it always seemed like
it was headed for my house--
firetrucks always turned left down
Noble street-- and I wasn't so much
afraid of being alone
of losing my parents
so much as the prospect of dying.
I was scared of hearing my own
heart beat because I knew it meant
the perhaps of a silence--
The scotch tape mending my
grandmother's metronome--
always a skip-- click-- wind chime-- 
I know it's morbid for thirteen year old
to worry so much about the cold--
the stillness-- the silence.
I'd never been to a funeral because my 
family is one of urns
and attic ashes.
I was afraid of dead bodies not
of silence-- I was afraid cold--
not being alone.
I'm still terrified of stethoscopes.
Of metal.
I my parent dying and me being
too scared to sit with them--
I'm scared of hospitals--
I think what I'm really scared of
it the cold of it all--
I'm scared to die inhuman--
I'm scared of machines-- of silence.
I hope I die like wind chime.
I hope you're there with me.
I'm almost 20 and I'm scared of the cold.