Of apologies, elegies, odes, goodbyes, and thank yous

There's a list written in the carvern
on the underside of my tongue where
veins and ink have accounted for all the 
"i love yous" I have spilled so far.
I house the list there-- it was choice.
God had asked if the list would fit
on my eyelids-- I told him i already
see the whole thing every time it's dark
and I'm alone-- I told him
it was too long and I wanted to taste
all of the names each time I said
an "i love you" again. Like a scar and
a horehound throat candy and a honey packet  
and the licks at the bottom of a bowl
of vanilla bean ice cream.
Behind my "i love yous" I'm hiding
"I'm sorry and I have your giraffe"
"I didn't mean to say it so loud"
"I miss the way you scribbled in 
the right hand corner of notebooks"
"I remember walking on the big
stones in the creek" "No I don't eat
chocolate chip pancakes but I 
love peanut butter" "I didn't even
like pizza-- I just tried it for you"
"I don't actually know anything about religion"
"I never prayed a full rosary for anyone
but you" "I'm lost and I'm making a map out of you"
"Stop-- I've never wanted to be held like that"
"I'll think about you when I roast marshmallows"
"I never threw out the necklace"
"You taught me how to tie my shoes and I forgot"
"There are kisses that I don't mind remembering
and ones that feel like poison ivy under my skin."
"I never wanted to run away with you
but you tricked me into so many bus stations"
"Stop saving me-- I want to save myself for once"
"You make me love painted finger nails"
"You make me want to eat angle food cake
and pretend that it's my wedding"
"Take a walk with me-- we'll talk about 
something and it might go no where"
"i love you" "i love you" "i love you"
And it's all for you-- a thousand tongues of
flames and marshmallows.