Was I the only one who saw everything was white and
the morning after smelled like Swedish fish?

I washed my burnt hair along with my brains like
sushi rice-- brushed-- scrubbed-- sifted each strain--
Took out my earrings on the dash board that screamed--
I told you I was a wind-up bird
that I uwalked along the creek in a tin-solider
limp-- languid and bleached from chlorine
And I have always smelled it in my hair after the rain--
on my wrists-- wore chlorine like a watch--
check the seconds that it took for the world to stop
screaming and ringing and chiming like a windup bird
I heard I heard I heard you ask if I was a girl
or a boy-- I said I was a wind-up bird and 
that the dashboard still had my earrings
the ones with the eye balls on them--
I had two sets of eyes to see everything like
snow-morning-- like chalk-- like the kind of
heaven that only screams and I told it to please 
stop but it was too late and I was by the stream
and you were on the other side of the street
with a video camera asking me more questions
and I'm sorry I'm sorry that I can't wash it
out of my wrists or my forearms-- burn my 
femurs for kindling please please when you find me 
walking by the creek all mechanical and thoughtless--
you will only hear me on repeat-- an exorcism--
I rid each bone with salt and syrup 
and did I tell you I saw Swedish fish in the
water? They were melting and swimming and 
screaming like white chalk dust-- so that's why the morning
smelled so sweet and nostalgic and utterly broken--
take my bone marrow tokens and barter them for
sleep when I think of the ash in my hair 
In my hair in my hair and it never washes out
like the chlorine that was supposed to make me clean
and my tin soldier knees are wet-- an older me
will eat Swedish fish from a bench in the park
feed some to the wind-up birds.
I heard i heard iheardiheardiheard you scream
and tell me that it was my own throat betraying me 
again-- I never sang very well but this was worse.
Was I the only one who remembered everything was white
or were you there with me? You can lie so I feel better
I like lies sometimes-- lie with me on the asphalt
and tell me it tastes like Swedish fish
and salt-- 
don't ask me because I don't know.