Waiting room birthdays and what
the fishes knew. 

Let her eat cake!
they all said.
I had hoped they wouldn't
do it in the psychologist's 
waiting room-- all decorated 
with sun faded pink streamers
they had saved from my 
arrival home from the hospital
when everyone decided
IT'S a girl
IT'S a girl
white cloth
over the coffeeless tables--
My family had even
put party hats on the ferns
and taught the fish in the 
aquarium to play plastic kazoos
to congratulation me
on this new birthday--
They re-named me Cured
and wrote it in RED
icing on the glaring face of a 
yellow square cake-- white frosted 
and buttercream rose ankles--
candle wax counted me
as only one day old--
One day:
Fixed, Remedied, Mind-medicated
Tongue-fire forehead-- sugar ribbed 
speak to me like a leper
and hold me down to feed me cake--
The fish knew it wasn't my
birthday-- they felt sorry.
Let her eat cake 
said my parents from the 
arm chairs next to me--
laughed and tossed tissues 
on the floor-- they  
joked and peeled through 
waiting room magazines
to find me what my new smile
should look like-- white frosting--
buttercream chin on the face
of another girl who could
eat cake with her fists
and still be
white and Cured and thin--
Happy Birthday 
Sing Happy Birthday
to your ex-Anorexic girl
who tries not to 
count the petals on each rose--
laugh and paint her lips
yellow cake
laugh and toss the tissues
in her face-- she
doesn't cry anymore-- we don't
pay for that. Cure her face
of eating and 
Let her eat cake 
for you
Leper, leper, and leper
How many psychologists 
words did you have to swallow
before you decided that you'd
rather name yourself Anorexia?
I am
E.D. Queen and Waiting Room Goddess
No one asked you to deem 
me 
Cured.
Don't tell me I 
look alive--
I've only ever eaten cake
for boys and for
the chant of waiting room.
You're wondering if I'll get fat again.
No-- My name isn't Cured and you
don't love me if that's
the only word you want to devour
-- eat me frosting shaved
and hungry-- eat me apple cores
and burnt candle forearms--
I'll set your streamer on
fire-- melt these magazine
smiles out of every page
and talk to you with my sugar
tongue of flame-- talk to
you goddess 
talk to you lepers who pretend 
to read waiting room magazines-- 
the fish were right-- the fish played
kazoo and cried when I ate buttercream
roses for you-- for you
boys who wanted me Cured and skinny
and pink streamers--
Love me your Anorexic goddess.
Let's celebrate days without scars--
put candles in the apples
and sing
Let them eat party hats
Let them eat magazines
Let them eat tissues  
Let them eat--dream--love--kiss
Let them call me candle wax
and love me for my sugar ribs.