boiling my angel hair and 
every girl's fear of the deep end 
of the swimming pool--

the voice of a steel 
pot taught me how to hold my
breath when i was 3 years 
old-- face down in a bathtub 
i assimilated--
inhaling soap bubbles--
and bubbling--
he said he liked me 
Al dente-- 
my mother called me 
angel hair and dropped
me to the bottom of
the ocean-- 
i snapped my pig tails 
in half to fit the steel 
pot-- beat the sides
with a wooden spoon--
the talking drum of 
the kitchen tile--
a message from the abyss--
break wine glasses
on the white coral on the way
down-- knee scab marinara--
my bloodied-nose was a bread stick--
my hair again the insides
of a spaghetti squash--
tangled and bleached by
the darkness--
oh but how 
the water shook me loose--
shook my loose--
turn my bones into hair
into pasta--
i was born so scared of angel
hair and slipping down
the drain of the swimming pool--
awaken in the candle lights
of angler fish-- 
angler fish eat angels with
their tuning fork teeth--
i was
swallowing myself
in the deep salt water--
face peeled away by
a hydrothermal vent--
there was nothing but my
angel hair and 
bone becoming 
linguine-- 
what do boys find so
attractive about
angel hair? 
about long-hair girls?
was it easy to pick me up
in a fork--
twirled into submission--
submersion in 
the deep end of the pool
where the chlorine 
turns into salt
into breath from
the earth's core-- 
i feared the deep end of
the pool because
i could see 
what was swimming beneath
me--
another boy
another fork--
another slab of butter
to tossed me in--
pull the pot-lid
over me so i can 
get comfy-- get loose
with myself--
contort my own hair into
a fist of pasta--
crawled out onto the kitchen floor--
a trail of primavera
on tile--
my hair was caught in the coral
so i had to eat it myself--
no my hair was always
mine to eat--
weak body of an angel 
to resist the crank
of a fork--
i bled like tomatoes
under bare feet or basil--
i don't swim
where i can't see the bottom--
snap my short angel hair
in the morning
to fit in a coffee mug--
ocean boil these girls
into couscous-- escape
down the drain-- each grain
of my bone
ground fine into
sand--
the angler fish 
can't eat you when
you're this small--