is this a story of how time can only move
in one direction?

i pulled us into film reel--
square after square after
square of you kissing me
under a porch light
& saying goodnight-- 
cracked in the throats of
august toads-- 
i roll frames-- projected onto 
my white sheet still stained
with blush & blood--
this is the bedroom where
i used to cut my hips--
where i started
to bleed like the hung head
of a tired tulip 
who carries more than spring--
i've tried remembering you
differently-- tried
writing your name so
that it comes out like
something other than a prayer--
you were the 
the conquest of skin
every girl was taught
to ask for--
water snakes tangled
to hold us naked 
in the creek--
my body never wanted to
fall in love with a boy
or porch light or
a cut my hips to make gills--
burn polka dots into
my forearms to 
print wallpaper--
i don't want to believe 
in time anymore--
the sun is a cookie dunked
into milk-lip horizon again
& again-- ragged in 
the trees
bite off a week in april--
chew december like
stale toroni-- shuck 
september into a wicker basket--
we'll fish for the moon again
& i'll read Frankenstein 
on the floor of your basement--
walk off walk off
walk off into the ocean
entangled in your
entangled in me
entangled in ripe tides threatening
joint suicide--
time feels so much 
like drowning 
when you remind me of how
many times i've tried
to dig tunnels back again
to my body on you bed--
hang upside down from a
graveyard tree
& throw the carnival goldfish 
in to the creek--
teach them to eat their
children
so they don't have to 
remember their small bones
when they too start to 
count the sun--
dunk your head into a sunset
again-- toss rocks
into the sky
to make fireworks-- 
i still
find your hair
in the cords of my necklaces
from when you rested your
head on my chest
& told me you loved me--
no one lies when 
they say they love
you they just don't
know that they love
something else--
the freckles pan-fried
& burnt into my cheeks--
the protrusion of
ribs from
in between my breasts
the way i could kiss
the sun still for him--
we fall in love so easily 
with the progress of
the sun--
unlearn time with me--
kiss me on a back porch--
mail me august sealed
in packing tape--
i'll send you your hairs
one at a time
until time moves in another direction--
i burn watches now--
break off days of a calendar like
graham crackers--
my lover roasts marshmallows 
over the arch of the sun--
sticky fingers & 
chocolate melt like pentecost--
& here i remember you
not like we were
but how we wanted our skin
to be-- a canvas--
a calliope-- a graveyard tree
but somehow
also the red gills of a goldfish--
pulling & pulling
in the dry air--