wrench 

i noticed my
brass hinge-wrists--

i can't sleep with
the roof so heavy 
on top of us--

i'm thinking about
the story of my grandfather
taking his teacher's car apart 

& re-assembling it on the roof of his
school building 

i never believed the story 
when my father told it to us 

as he rocking-chaired
& sipped from the rim 
of a brown bottle--

i never believed it
 
but i wanted to imagine it--

my grandfather working
long into the night-- greasy 
wrench heavy in his rough hands--

what do you take apart first?

the hub capes?

remove the steering wheel?

i woke up this morning
with my grandfather's 
red monkey wrench on the
floor by my bed

& i went out back to the
parking lot-- 

the impulse to deconstruct
is unavoidable--

on days like this he is my
patron saint--

black smudges on his
knuckles-- 

he left finger prints
on my white bed room walls--

i touch them to see if
they have the same shape as mine--

what how much  body do we share?

i get
on my knees

start with the headlights--

still warm as blood 

from the last drive up main street--

next comes the hood
which i snap off 
like a canned peach lid--

sugar syrup on my fingers--

set aside the pieces
in the dew-slick grass

would he be proud of me?

does he smile about
how i went to work
with his wrench
without hesitation? 

my father keeps his tools
in the basement--

cool cement on
bare feet--

i borrow a Phillips-head
screw driver to 
take apart the glove box--

i have recently had the urge
to hid myself in the glove box

he tells me to 
take apart your hiding places--

&  i'm scared because
he's right

& as i take off the front
wheels of the car i cry &
think about all the times i 
got flat tires &
thought the world would end--

how many potholes i made
beds in--

roll each wheel
across the lot--

how many nut & bolts
does your skeleton have?

will you put yourself
back together on the roof
for everyone to see?

when i put green volvo 
back together

i want to do so beneath
my bed--

we're too heavy for
the roof 

& down here i can
turn on the headlights--

my own little planets--

sleep in the parking
space out back

face up towards
the steering wheel moon