when i grow up i want to be a live stream 

i refresh the page like curtain--
like the lapping of milk from a milk.
my grandmother had cat after cat after cat
& all of them live in the internet now.
there is a whole menu of instant food
waiting to be here in an instant.
i have no patience for these such things.
the eggs are dried into flakes. the ceiling
is a gaping wound made blinds. i pull
them back & outside there is nothing
but waiting. i want to wait longer
for this than anyone ever has. there's an oven
that we never use. there's astronaut ice cream
on the counter readying itself for the first 
footsteps on mars. when they make a colony up there
i'm going to lose so many friends--
all of them zipping themselves into 
onesies & grabbing that dangling rope.
i love the smell of burnt hair. i am refreshing
the page & hoping to find a garden there.
a live stream of birds hatching because
none of us know where they are.
i check my hair for ticks--nails to scalp.
there's enough frozen here to last me 
a lifetime. i keep frozen planets 
& frozen skylines & frozen birthdays &
occasions. these are all my innovations.
i am creative to a certain extent. i have 
had my fair share of siblings though
none of them will emerge here on 
the computer screen where i want them.
he gets down & licks my feet humbly
like jesus washing the heels of each 
apricot. i have a light fuzz to my skin
& i am acidic when bit down upon. 
the page is loading & there's no telling
what kind of bird this will be. if i'm 
being honest i'm praying for an albatross
or at least something else big & angel-like
something that suggests i am very small
& at a desk & doing nothing until i too
lay a nest of pixel-eggs & become a live stream.
i want so badly to be a live stream--
i want to call my parents & tell them
to refresh the computer. i need an instant
swallow to keep me company. the walls
are petal-ling apart from the latest arrival 
of winds. some say they come all the way
from dangerous planets-- down from 
mars to tempt us. i don't know who says that
but maybe i'm just listening harder
than i should. when the page finally loads
i'm going to speak through the screen 
& become one of them. a nestling & i'm going
to be sticky with egg white & i'm going
to teach the birds how to freeze everything
they need. no rotting none of it & even 
the unhatched eggs we will slip into 
that beautiful cold to become light as 
ping-pong balls. we are so close.
i am so close. the cats were so close to 
a life other than the one they had &
any day now everyone of substance
will live on mars. it will be me here 
& everyone will watch my live stream & say
they feel each echo of my face & each 
angle of each bone. i will drink milk
& they will watch--
tongue into curtain, an opening.