self-portrait as a cockroach 

i frenzy in the sugar sweet 
beneath the fridge. run from every leg.
swallow crumbs like manna. 
my eyes, two tails-up quarters.
when i fall in love, i bring with me
the rubble of choked cities & dust song.
i saw the bones of a god. bathe my self
in the after-shower glowing blue tile bathroom.
i divide. as many of me as i need
to tell a story. skirt the hallways 
asking for another crease to press 
my body into. my skeleton glints 
in neon over-head lights. i remember
when i was small. the size of a grain
fo rice. i eat like i can chew
a hole in the world. a place for us to escape
to a land of edible lovers. instead,
i look for warmth where there is none for me.
motors & gears & grease. the back of 
the cabinet where fingers reach.
i am accustomed to screaming.  to pointing.
there is the monster. my antenae twitch,
catch another ghost's hymn. i can never tell
if the shouting is from the alive
or dead. they are one in the same
to me. i follow the dark to a place where
everything is cool & unmoving.
belly of the house. no one is there but me
or so i think & then another of us
& another. the whole knot, jostling
for a finger nail's worth of safety.
i have ached for that. i am always so hungry.