parakeet

i mean to say i have eaten 
a poison airplane. has anyone 
told you that you were beautiful 
in a terrible way? please shout at me 
what i need to hear. make the lie
glorious & full of red bean. 
i was just drinking tea for hours
inside a dragonfly. coughed up
my organs one at a time. they were
just bouncy balls. i don’t have 
the guts to tell you i am
looking longingly at pet shops.
put me in a little world 
& feed me the good seed. 
take away my driver’s license
before i get too many ideas.
i used to have visions of
letting all the birds go. thumb worth
of chili oil. rolling my tongue 
in spines. please bring a basket
to carry me in. my panic 
has feathers. repeats everything 
i say. “i do not want the world 
to die.” chicken bones on
the sidewalk. my favorite fantasy
is the one where we wake up 
& neither of us have bodies.
spitting the parakeets out of
our throats. will you promise me
something you cannot? will you
help me cut a hole in my skull
& pull out all the feathers?