birthday cake flavor

there are children outside 
with their confetti faces
waiting to be born. tasting vanilla
upon waking up. i don't want
to be reminded of backyards ever again.
a balloon with a fist inside.
once i had a party & invited
only fingers. another year
i was a girl & i had a birthday 
with my friend who was also a girl. 
we ate dinosaur cake. we dressed 
in vitamin suits. there were men
talking about government 
in the corners of my eyes. 
a fork is a place to go if you need
to fester with sugar. sweet
in the same way that spiders 
are sweet & fainting when 
you knew you were going to.
sometimes i find icing where
i would not expect it: in my wallet.
in a lopsided drawer. we could go
& tell the children it isn't time yet
or we could let them do 
what they will eventually do anyway.
touching every window & shouting,
"butter!" haven't you ever
shouted "butter!" in desperation?
i thought i was a baby again
& i thought everyone was going
to sing to me. sky blue bruise.
where the crust comes in
to cull. i take a bite & then
you do too. i don't share 
with any of the children. 
they beg & beg until they are
just piles of sprinkles. i want to go back
to when i was only color.