see through

i went outside to get punched
by my own sense of urgency.
we're going to be late to the funeral. we're going
to forget to be a cardinal.
all the flowers i plant grow see through.
little ghosts. i hand out pots with dirt
& i am promising you that there is
an african violet present. sometimes
on my worst nights my whole body
turns see through. there's nothing left
for me to hide behind. everyone can see
the television there. static. cirucs.
a pair of his muddy shoes. steal toe boots.
have you ever asked the cards 
for help & got the fool over & over.
that is me with my arms stretched out
to the wingspan of a fallen goose.
one i bit an egg & it turned out to be an apple.
the truth is too though that i want
people to see my guts. here is exactly
what it feels like to go on my rollercoaster.
here is where i keep my teeth when they fall out. here is
a chariot made of snakes. it's the only way
i can ride back to my head when i'm in my body.
disposal cameras are on every surface
of my house. i tell guests. "can you please
take a picture of me." i haven't developed
any of them but one day i will bring
a whole garbage bag. i will sit there
are the photo technician works 
& then i will have hundreds of photos 
of my funhouse. my fragments.
finally, everything tangible. glorious evidence.