jonah's whale

they say my belly is a scripture.
i scoured the ocean
in search of a light. all the crustacean centuries.
my god, always deeper than i can swim.
sometime, i think i notice him
peering out with nautical eyes 
from the depths of the deepest trenches.
when i arrive it is never him. never a god. it is a ghost.
a phantom ship. a discarded soul.
some whale legends say
that the afterlife exists right here.
in the dark & the deep. 
right past where we can swim. 
as a small creature my mother would sing
a song about monsters. she would hum,
"away from the mouth, 
away from the mouth." i wonder what he
thought when he saw my mouth.
my little traveler. a water maw 
i knew i had to swallow him. haven't you ever 
seen yourself become prophecy?
become a metaphor? the truth is
that i loved him. wanted to keep him
for as long as i could. i was finally
not alone. i had someone else
to talk about death with. 
i would tell him in my tongue,
"i am afraid of changing
into a ghost without noticing."
he sat. prayed. wept. & i sometimes 
would weep too.