latin mass

i prefer not know what god is saying.
my father talks longing about latin mass.
about being a morning altar boy
& pouring the first rays of light
from a cruet. sipping communion wine
in the sacristy all alone. i used to not understand this.
why would you want to worship 
without language? he did not speak latin
nor did most people in the congregation. 
in the church i grew up in
the priest was an ice hook of a man.
mass was said in english.
he was quiet. coughed often. spoke about
the essential differences between man 
& woman & sometimes about peace
& sometimes about greed. i learned little
from his words. i am still most curious
about his life. the rectory. what were his
holiday dinners? when he was sick 
did anyone come by his side
& let him feel soft & small? i have a hard time
believing there is anything god could say
to defend himself anyway. 
my phone screen is a portal
to all his burning people.
ants arrive to strip the remains. 
if this god could speak it would have to be
in a dead language. i find there are
several translations for "i'm sorry"
in latin. i do not know the differences.
doleo & aegre fero & paenitet me.
which one would this god say to us?
i do not want to go to mass. i want to go
to confession. now, let me speak my 
oldest tongue. no priest though,
just me & this ancient mouth. 
what are our rituals to you? our worship?
what will you do to repay us?