we burry the ocean

you might ask what calls for such
a drastic motion. i will tell you 
sometimes even the whales need
to keep a hold of their secrets.
haven't you ever destroyed something
to save it? this is what i did with 
the color blue. i carried it swaddled 
& close to my chest until i found a place
no one else could reach. the trees
had tongues & the birds spoke 
in the language of stones. there i let
the blue go & it thanked me. 
we started with just our hands. 
dirt into waves & water.
the whales swam into our wrinkles.
eels in under our tongues. we said,
"go to sleep." sometimes when i was too 
depressed to move i would sleep
& it would feel like slipping into 
the ocean. i'd wake up under water
with gills pleated like a ruffled skirt.
all the ways we preserve the softest fragments
of our selves. the ocean, oh the dear ocean.
how, on some nights, you fit into 
a drinking glass & others you lived
vibrant in my whole house. drowned me
again & again & asked, "are you new yet?"
when you live beneath the soil
just hold your breath. just remember
when the sun was a child. then, decades
from now, when it is safe, i promise
i will send everyone i know to dig.
they will not believe me at first.
they will say, "the ocean died 
along with my girlhood." but, 
we will dig & the waves will crash 
& we will laugh until our faces fall apart
as marbles.