dog in space

have you ever been sent
on a no-return mission?
the first living creature in space
was a dog.
she was found on the streets of moscow.
what did she eat in the plum shadows
cast by men bent
on tossing her bones?
i hope it was delicious.
i have gotten on my knees 
before a vessel & thought
"this will take me to god."
a tin can car. an airplane
to tennessee. that dog's name
was laika. did she 
respond to it or was it 
a fresh & strange sound in the mouths
of tall creatures? i want to make
the void proud on most days.
i want my wings to be packing peanuts
& icicles. i want a view
of the stomach of the universe.
to eat heartily & call home 
& say, "i have money now."
sometimes you can convince 
yourself you are a hero. in a way
aren't we all little gods?
that's of course what they want
you to think. that you are 
going out into the sea of chins
& though you will not emerge,
you will bring back evidence.
evidence of what?
laika died a few hours
into flight. she was alone in 
space's deep pupil. the world blinked
& she was gone. the streets
she ran down in search of food.
i will ask again
have you ever been told 
you are brave for living through
what they've done to you?
i trace the journeys his hands took
around my neck. i sing to a paper plane 
until its wings start to beat.
did she know where she was?
did the end come quick? i ask 
even though i know it never does.
there is the moment
when you say to yourself,
"they wanted my breath
& said they loved me."