mall wandering w/ you

buy me the honeycomb face.
the one with a colony already inside.
neon washes me until
i am just a coat hanger. we would go there
to the mall with no money. just legs.
a desire for windows. for watching.
for food court homilies. you pinching
the fat of my hips. i never wanted to be fourteen. 
no one should take a boyfriend to the mall. 
this was my mistake. i think it reminded you that
in the right contexts everyone is capable
of living inside a plastic bag. 
plucking a penny from the fountain,
you hand me the coin. a stolen wish.
"what would you like?" you ask 
as if i am not turning someone else's hunger
inside out. i loved most the moments 
in a dressing room alone. i would think,
"how do you call for help when you aren't
even sure what you need?"
sometimes i dreamed of going 
into a store where you could purchase
angels. there, i would take off a tiny part
of my soul. maybe just a baby sock sized sliver.
trade it for a place close to the sky light.
a kiosk salesperson pleads to 
straighten my hair. i let her because
i want to try being touched in a new way. 
she says, "you are gorgeous."
this is what she is paid to say but i need
to believe her. the touch is worth it.
you sometimes leave me & lay down
like roadkill in the walk way. 
i come & plead with you to rise
& when you do  you pretend as if
it never happened, "what?" you ask,
laughter harbored in your grin.
"i wasn't a dead bird. that was you."
feathers in my mouth. washing my face
in a bathroom sink. breathing just to find
a plastic bag around me. you're holding me
at your side. a little something something.
trinket or girl or plastic worm. 
i still have never made that wish.
i think if i don't, the original wish 
will get to remain.