the tegan & sara poster on your bedroom wall

it was so easy to not be myself with you.
dusk in the city. my teeth falling out
& turning into christmas lights.
i strung them up & helped you hang them
on your wall. your cat batted at them
while i watched you play video games.
there was a tree on your block
wrapped with yarn & bells. she liked to tell me,
"you seem lost." i would plug my ears & lie, saying,
"i am home." to me home is wherever i am
currently gutting myself. 
sometimes i wonder if you ever felt the same.
if maybe you got to be someone else with me.
i know you'd just left your ex. 
some of her stuff was still on a shelf
in your bedroom. that afternoon i thought
you wanted to sleep with me but instead
we napped until our eyes were hard boiled 
& heavy. i looked up to see your tegan & sara poster
right above your bed. i asked, 
"do you still listen to them?" 
"no," you admitted. "my ex & i liked to see
their shows. the poster is hers."
i thought about how in my dorm room
i used some posters just to take up space.
how a portal is a portal even if it goes
in the direction you don't want it to. 
you said, "i'm still tired" & you closed your eyes.
i was wide awake. i tried to just appreciate 
the quite. my restless teeth gleaming
on the walls, knitting shadows throughout
the room. i think that was the last time
we were close to each other.
when we finally got up, we ate bagels 
standing at your kitchen counter. 
cream cheese. paper plates. the hungry tree
on your street. a cracked window & april air.