arches in woods

i showed you my favorite portal
& then you went without me. 
kissed the daisy witch on all her fingers. 
the portal is where the deer come & go
with their mouths full of bells.
once, we passed through the archway
& all the fairies came to us,
asking for our eyes. i gave them mine
so you could keep yours. you wept
& said, "it is so beautiful."
i could not see what you did
but everything was velvet. everything smelled
like rose perfume. 
there are not enough poems about 
losing someone not to death
but to time. how our bodies 
come to ask different questions like
"do you hear the knocking
at the door?" instead of,
"do you want to eat all the gold
we have?" i was raised to believe
money will always run out. 
i have only known this to be true.
i spent a whole afternoon trying
to get the portal back. the woods
had shifted. no more archway
where there once was one.
that is the thing about a threshold,
it is always moving. the point where
hunger turns to need & need turns
to avalanche. calling you 
& getting your voicemail. i say,
"can you help me find it?"
you do not call me back. 
i try to build my own but it isn't
the same. you cannot make your portal
as much as they try to tell you 
that you can. the fairies are laughing.
few people know that they do not
feel hunger. that is what separates them
from humans. instead, they only feel
delight. seeking the syrup. 
i can see exactly what they did 
with that pair of eyes i gave. often i'll blink
& i'll be staring up from the dirt. 
there you are with your hands full
of buttercups. you came even when
i did not think you would. 
a portal where your mouth should be.
i say, "is it for me?" which is such
a selfish way to ask, "do you want 
to still be in love or should we 
take all the doors off their hinges?" 
i want to know what you saw 
when i wasn't there. if the deer told you
they were leaving. if you came back
with any kind of perfect trinket.
even just a sliver of pear. a thimble of nectar.
a spool of red thread. promise me
i was there too. we can give each other
a false memory. tell me,
"you were there too 
when the portal closed."