disposable camera

i let the little ice boxes eat my face.
keep the door shut so the cat doesn't get out.
(there is no cat, i am just dead). 
blink twice if you are alive. don't blink
if you're okay with turning
into a bird feeder. 
i feel like a bologna waiting to be made
into medallions. we take nothing
but our hands when we go out
into the teeth zoo. i set up my army men
all down your legs. i tell you
"do not move until the mission is complete."
there are people who only live
on rolls of films.
we hold their amber terrariums up to
the attic lights. i tell you to twirl the film
like dancing ribbons so we can see ourselves
in a stop motion show.
the cameras are just mice. the cameras
are just bugs. i tell you "i wish i would
have saved your face" i do not mean
a picture. i mean a death mask.
something three dimensional so that
if the house is on fire i can say
"wait i need their face" before
running back into the flames. 
if we are able to sell just enough of our tongues
i think we should make a movie
about our grandfather. one in which
he is a great bird of prey & for the whole show
we just follow him & try to get a clear picture
of him. the ghosts are always moving.
i would also want to evade understanding.
once i heard another trans person say
"i just want to be understood." for me
the freedom is the inverse. i want to be
free to be confusing & contradicting.
i want to take hundreds of pictures,
hold them up to the light,
& see nothing but guts & leaves.