august / not august 2020

i put the month in my mouth
& chewed it like bubblegum.
it was cinnamon flavor.
no one else in the world
was alive. it was just me & the ghosts.
i left my apartment only
to drive to the creek where the bears 
were trying to worship.
i asked several times if i could join them
but they just laughed at me 
& said, "if you want to be eaten."
i considered this a valid option.
the warmth of bear guts 
could swaddle me. i slept heavy & often
on the sofa & beside the bed. 
sometimes when i woke up
i found my eyes 
in the sink. i would try & wash them.
hoping the halos would leave.
sickness left me an amphibian.
i needed the bath. i needed salt.
i needed a telephone without a portal. 
you called me less than i wanted.
i knew we couldn't have a future. 
i imagined sending you a letter 
from inside the bear saying,
"you will never guess where i am now."
the end is always too soon
& not soon enough. august collapsed
around me. a demolition. sidewalk heat. 
here & gone. i tried to claw the month back.
chewed the flavorless gum. 
went to the creek to find the bears gone.
that was when i knew i had to accept
that i had survived & it was september.