@ once 

i start with the smallest knife we have.
a knick between my big toe &
the rest. Like peeling a butterfly.
i need to be in a radio. i need to be
grocery shopping for teeth.
i need to be sitting with you
with a mouthful of bubblegum. 
pink as the sun funeral wishes it was.
dear god it is coming apart. 
then the crowbar. then the ice pick.
i am saying there is 
never enough of me. so make more.
as if that were part of the laws
of blood & air. i ring a bell
to summon every pill i know.
give me the silhouette treatment.
put me in a cautionary tale. call me
fox or call me grapes. the river
comes through the yard 
full of trash. we shift in it 
looking for a video game. if only 
you have a room for the soft me.
the only good part about fracturing is
someone gets to be the nothing girl.
head full of tinsel. maybe we can all
crawl back to her where she's laying 
on the couch with her mouth open.
i don't want to be
hollow chocolate. i want to be
the park bench. electric sinew.
i don't know what the others
are urgent for but i am
in need of a locked door.
of a pillow case full of birds.
"let me out!" by which i mean
hold me together. the needle
& thread in the medicine cabinet.
it's harder
each time. don't tell me
i should try. i am done trying.
now, i just wait & see what happens.
someone will remember
how to breathe. someone will remember
that we have to open
the telephone. the rest, well,
who knows about the rest.