giant squid

i have had to take care of 
the giant squid for as long as i can remember.
fill the bucket with stars 
& carry it down the basement stairs,
sloshing all the way. i tasted them myself
only once. dipped my finger into
the cool & brilliant liquid. 
it vibrated with a pineapple loudness.
i tell no one about my creature.
sometimes, i see his eyes on the ceiling
of our bedroom
like peepholes into the void. 
i try not to look into them. it is too much
& i am too tired these days to see the universe.
every once in awhile i try to quit him.
try to see if maybe i just
stop bringing him food if maybe he will
find another disciple. it never works.
when he hungers, so do i.
i'll wake up weeping. search for the ladel
in the dark so that i can go & tend him.
i have apologized, saying, "please 
forgive me." he always does. 
never is a grudge-holding beast. instead,
he takes me back. wraps me in his 
enormous arms. shuts his eyes 
as i shut mine & we float in the wild dark
of the cellar. if anyone else found him
i don't think they would understand
why i do this. i think they would see
a sick girl with a ghost on her shoulders. 
i know the truth. we need each other.
once & only once he broke out.
it was the angry middle of summer.
daylight. our soft skin. i had 
to chase him through the brambles.
squid blood & spilled planets. 
i gathered him like a beach umbrella.
stroked his head & said,
"let me keep you. let me keep you."
he's done the same for me. plucked me
with his monstrous hands from
a parking lot at the world's edge.
he said, "i am your hunger. let us eat."