through the sun 

i buy a football & take it down to where
you used to talk to me gentle. when we were
not hunched over & eating kindling
to stay alive. there were these caterpillars
who knew our names. they knit us socks
& we used them to walk on water. 
do you remember when it rained so hard
i lost all my hair? i was just a shiny
little thumb. i bought you flowers. i knew
how to love you. since i was a bulb in the dirt
i've been afraid of sleeping through the day.
pressing the sun like a silver dollar
into the soil. we have all tried to grow money trees.
we have all tried love spells. me & you  
& the smell of spring onions. their fingers
playing with the temperature dial.
i use the football to throw at the clouds until
they bruise. i want to see how purple it all can get.
i wish i still believed in half the things i did
when i met you. that survival had more
to do with blood than money. that a house
could hold everything you need it to.
you told me the neighbors used to have pigs.
i see their ghosts sometimes. i bring them
my teeth when they fall out. on our worst nights
i want to join them. get down on my hands
& knees & search for bones. i have watched
gold pouring from a man's mouth in
the brutal morning light. i thought i would
always want to take you with me. how do we
find each other on the other side of a perfect wound?
i keep my wants tucked behind the ear
of the oldest tree in the yard. she says,
"you have to tell him the truth." instead, i sleep
as long as the otherworld will have me.
suns spilling down the mountain's leg. 
tell me, my love, how do we keep each other?