(no) petting zoo

"you look with your teeth" they say
in the knot of tails & cage wire.
i get all the animal feed & bathe in it
with the hope i will be gone in just
one bite. in a dream we go to a glass party
& the room is full of donkeys.
we are told they are genetically modified
to be able to complete small talk
better than any autistic adult (that's me).
obviously, i panic. i'm not ready
for all this juice. the crushed cranberries
& the strangled limes. you are always
telling me not to worry while there
are dinosaurs in the yard. i say,
"what if i just have one touch?" i am told
the fur of the never deer is impossible 
to hold. the horses who have stopped horsing
really really long ago. i don't know how
to keep up with my friends. they turn
into kites that father's fly with their sons
in ugly parking lots. it's supposed to rain 
all week by which i assume there are
not very many reasons to be a bird.
i get this ridiculous idea that maybe i could
get on the other side. instead of wanting
maybe i could be the creature everyone
is not allowed to hold. i don't know
which is better. i get tired easily. there are
not enough trees to choke on. the giraffes
unfurl their tongues like flags. we are
a nation that has never seen a miracle. 
i have this terrible plan of becoming the first.
i go outside. beg for the animals. the snakes 
& the spiders & especially the vermin.
i want to get unholy. get grubby & real. 
none of them come. the zoo has no walls
& not even any popcorn. i call my mom
& she says she has a shovel i could borrow.
i don't want to though. i just want something
gentle & warm to lay down next to me.
to stroke my head & say, "no one 
is waiting for you."