i do not want to talk about the weather

i don't want to talk about everything.
let's talk about the weather. let's talk about
the weather for next week. i will tell you, "i heard
it is going to get colder" & you will say,
"i heard it is going to rain" & neither of us
will have consulted any weather reports.
my husband says to me, "why do you always
do small talk even if you hate it?"
i don't know if i hate it. i think i am just
a survival creature. i did a ridiculous
white lady yoga video & the instructor said,
"set your intention for today with one word"
& "survive" was all i could come up with. 
i make small talk because sometimes it is easier 
for two bodies to use words as oars instead of as water. 
my most recent small talk was on a ride back
from the mechanic. the driver & me talked
about the rain. how much rain there was going
to be. the clouds like buffalo beneath our
fingernails. i do not want to just keep
barely making it through each sun drowning. 
that is where i am though. i find myself
more & more grateful for the weather. 
at least there is still something that we 
can all feel. the water on your face, on mine.
the slight damp you feel in your socks 
no matter how quick & waterproof you thought
you were. i have to admit that sometimes
i make things up. we start talking about
about the weather & i imagine things
better than they are. i stay, "it is going to
be clear tomorrow. at night they say 
we're going to be able to see all the stars
even the dead ones." the driver dropped me off.
an hour later it down poured. my husband
was in bed with a migraine. i sat with 
all the dogs on the couch. our weather talk was wordless.
i did not need to tell them about the storm.
the air tasted like pennies & nectar.