home videos

in my dream we drive to canada 
& get a parking ticket. it looks like
tennessee with all the hills & knees. 
i used to have a video camera
when i was a kid
with tiny tapes in it. i did not know
how to watch the films anywhere
besides the small back window.
it was like a submarine portal.  i laid
on my stomach to witness them. 
we made music videos & sometimes
ghost stories in the yard with 
all the rusted nails. my dreams get
smoother the older i am. 
one of these days i'll wake up
& i won't feel rot all around me. 
that's not today. instead, i am trying
desperately to name all the flies. 
i start with soft names & more on
to sharp ones like "kevin" & "alex." 
i have a parking ticket that i've forgotten
to pay & the centipede parts of me
want to know what will happen 
if i never do. i am already running
from the state, why not make it
electric & green? of course not.
i am going to stay on a path
that leads me to snacks standing
at a kitchen counter & a field
of tall grass & berries. the tiny joys
that bring me to tears. i wanted
to stay in canada. there was a bookstore
& all those trees. i don't know how
i got back without a car. i put on
walking directions to the small town
in italy where my grandmother
was from. they do not know me
& i do not know them. i walk there.
it takes a month. when i arrive
it is canada but instead of tennesee
the land looks like san diego. 
desert flowers & buttery shoreline. 
i want to watch the videos. i want
to see them playing all the time.
where did those phantoms of me go?
i guess they are still in the video camera's
belly hidden in a box in a box. 
my parents house grows a million legs
& yet somehow, still does not move.