he/him

my shoes never fit. 
i remember walking in circles 
around payless 
hoping that i could mash
my toes enough to make 
the cool kid sneakers accept me. in the summer
i cultivated my callouses. 
road my bike barefoot to the creek.
found everywhere in town
where i could get away with not wearing shoes.
the hardware store & the fabric place. 
sometimes me & the menanite kids
compared the dirt on the tops
of our feet. it was an achievement to have
the dirtiest of the day. i have never
had an easy time with pronouns.
if i am being honest, i want people
to guess. hair grows on the tops
of my feet. call me whatever comes to you.
i want to be a purple thing. a crepuscular self.
it is summer & i am not barefoot enough. 
i use "he" pronouns like the tight shoes.
a gym class kind of word. i imagine 
the "h" like a house with a chimney.
a place to go & take everything off.
i still have most of the callouses. 
my self-made slippers. i walk on stones
& through the grass. wear the dirt
in all its glory. what do you think i am?