dog celebrity 

i follow a dog celebrity on tiktok who has
decided to start a religion. i figure at least
this god is soft. at least he eats from
the ground. when i say "i was raised catholic"
i always smell the wood of the sacristy.
once i saw a dog in there. i follow him into
a closet full of gold. he was gone. my favorite parts
about church were outside of it. the field
& the old limestone kiln. i think the dog
in the church was the celebrity dog. i feed him
tokens on a live stream. he radiates light.
becomes more powerful. invents holidays.
the holidays are glossy & i weep. i take a year
off work & end up inside a candle. i am the oil
feeding the flame. the screen is a lake. 
we fish & the celebrity dog walks on water.
it is late & i stay up to stay on the live as long
as i can. i do not want to miss a fleck of wisdom.
when i was a child, i believed god could hear
my every thought. i pictured him crouched 
in the corner not touched by my night light.
the dog celebrity dies. it is sudden. i refresh
his page as if there will be more. the way our bodies
make a sky & then leave a hole. the feed
like a ribbon of prayers, each one, a way of asking,
"how am i going to--" i don't let videos finish
anymore. i am looking for him. digging
in some kind of glow. the legs running
through each other. there is a light in the church
that never goes out. a little red flame. 
it's supposed to be god. it goes out & nothing
happens. i upload a video of myself inside
the candle. it gets three videos. those people
eat off the ground. it is night & no one else
is awake but me & the dog celebrity, wherever
he is. i pray to him even though he is gone. i ask, 
"can you give me a fresh place to spill my teeth?"