can you eat crocuses? 

cany you eat crocuses? 
by which i mean can you be 
too early to the party? i come days
early. before there is even a door
to be opened. i joke with a stump
that i'm sitting on that i am either
way way late or way way early
no in between. such is the way
of bodies unstuck in time. in more 
ways than one i am the between agent.
the poison gender. when i'm feeling 
destructive i like to imagine the taste
of poisons. the crocus i think
would taste like rain when unripe
& when ripe, just like glass syrup.
once i took my family to a garden
in my head. i showed them a slideshow
of all the times i had almost crashed 
a car. then we were on a hill picking crocuses.
my beard, lush for the first time.
i put flowers in it & my family took
a rocket ship to an appliance store.
they craved a fresh refrigerator box
to pretend to live in. i did not see
any crocuses this year. the older i get
the more often i am late. not just 
by a few minutes but years late.
seasons late. it is autumn & i am still 
looking for signs of spring. my face 
eat every mirror it lands in like
a hungry goose. i put a crocus 
on my tongue. savor it. hold it
like a sword swallower holds a blade.
i do not spit i out. i do not swallow. 
instead, it takes root. turns a deep 
velvet purple. if you come close
i will show it to you but you have
to promise not to tell anyone.