carousel horse 

i find them in the yard. carousel horses 
dislodged from orbit. i too have found myself
without a sun. i meet the horses though
wherever i end up. i have seen them
in alleyways & at diners. in the city i went to
worship the carousel in bryant park each morning
before eating windows for hours.
i brought them pennies & hard candies. 
i would take a ride only when no children
were around. i'm not sure if that's more
or less creepy. i needed to be alone though
so i could whisper to the horses, "you can
leave whenever you want." they never replied.
i wanted to see them running down
the avenue of the americas. i wanted to see them
breaking windows. a friend yesterday
told me about how once she packed up & left 
for los angeles after feeling a calling. 
i don't know what is wrong with me
but i have never felt a calling. all i feel is
the hunger for a thousand escapes. maybe this
is what the carousel horses run on, a drive
towards the other side of the same world.
when i find free horses, i always bring them bells.
i know they have traveled far & they have
so much farther to go. i cannot decide if i am
the horse who turns round & round
or the marooned horse, nibbling on fallen leaves
in the backyard while the rooster calls down the moon.
the horses begin talking to each other.
i wave my hands. i tell them, "no carousel here."
i feel as gross as a landlord but i cannot watch
this happen again. the wayward horses always decide
that all they need is a new carousel. another
axis. somewhere to twist around. i point
at the murder field. it's littered with blasted corn. 
i tell the horses, "get out while you can."
they scatter. i wish i would have kept one.
i could have found him more bells. i could have
been a sun maybe if i lit my hair on fire,
closed my eyes & leapt. would we have kept 
each other from turning or is it impossible
to resist the need to follow another's back?
i know i will see them again. if i still have any resolve,
i'll do the same. watch them run off towards
a penny song that the stars are playing.