rock climbing gym at night

in the dark, we reach for teeth.
i am trying & trying not to panic.
lately i have been feeling like a ten-year-old. 
reality bleeds. where does the blood
come from? i am in fifth grade & my stomach
is softer than it'll ever be again.
we eat windows. girls without genders.
i see a picture of friends from high school together.
wonder who i was then & if i was there at all. 
the rocks, still bright in the dark.
i put time in a blender. housing crisis.
recession. i was born into a wound
that never closes. the wall that gets taller 
& the spotter who leaves. no more legs
just the side of an animal. without
light you can pretend that you are
on the side of a great mountain. that they
will write legends about your hands.
reaching & reaching. one rock, a fist,
another a mouth, still wet from
chewing blue gum. i remember loving
the climbing. i felt like i could almost
touch the ceiling. in a dream, there is a tarot spread
on a table in a coffee shop that reminds me
of an ex. we ate afterwards. cake. it was
all of our birthdays. we were turning eleven 
or eleven was turning us. a garden spade
in the back, twisted. the soil coming 
to the surface. walls full of
all the colorful rocks. it was a sleepover. 
we lay on the floor. her house smelled gingham
or was it dull pink? i scaled the bathroom 
like it had rocks. we ended up on the roof.
i end up on the roof. i look up to see the sky is
dotted with orphaned teeth. some of them
must be mine.