life coach 

i call the blender museum. they have
advice for me. i need to cut my life up
into drinkable pieces. guava. mango. yogurt.
someone walks back & forth up the road
& i go to see what they're all about. they hand me
a little business card & say, "i am a life coach."
i run away as fast as i can. i stay away from coaches
especially the life variety. i have a hard enough time
trying to swallow it all by myself. they are
everywhere. i collect the business cards
like trading cards. love. health. wealth.
one life coach says she just found god again.
i think "again?" i am glad i am not someone
who worries about the afterlife. instead i am worried
about bananas & how there used to be 
a different breed of banana that isn't here anymore.
then i am freaking out about species loss. what flavors 
have bombs eaten? what fingers? 
once when we were still together we were in a movie theater
& a life coach tapped me on the shoulder.
it was getting to the good part. i asked, "what do you want?"
she said, "the first session is free." i was
so desperate to be heard that i almost 
took her up on it. instead, you were jealous 
& ended up eating the business card. i was relieved.
a real exorcism is when you unburden someone you love
from themselves. my own desire to not disapoint. 
is it because i am an eldest child? is it because 
when i was younger i could talk to bees? 
still, sometimes that movie theater life coach 
came to the window. i would find her breath-print 
in the morning. sometimes, because i am sick,
i considered leaving the window open at night
to see if she would just come inside & fix me.
i do not want to put in the work. the plane you left on
was full of life coaches. then, too, the grocery store
i shopped in alone. aisles of life coaches.
the life coach in the woods & the life coach 
knitting baby hats on the bench. some people fear failure.
i fear becoming a life coach. that one day i will
find myself handing out business cards to pigeons. 
i know you are not supposed to feed the ghosts 
but i do often. i pluck out a few strands of hair.
one of the ghosts explains, "i am a death coach."
the horrors persist. the winter persists.
i get an add on instagram for becoming a certified 
life coach. i weep. i burry the phone. you are back.
you have never left. you are a life coach & you smile
like oatmeal. i say, "i want to sleep until i am a bird."
you say, "why do you hold your dreams by
the scruff of their neck?"