vow

i have never been good at promises.
i think i've maybe been present for
one wedding. i was far away.
the couple seemed happy. 
or maybe when i was small i flower-girled
just a little bit. there is a hole in the sky
where i am told we should stick out fingers.
the horrors of tunnels evoke for me
a chapel. smoke doesn't seem like
it should be able to make a shadow
but it does. a lovely veil coming
out of our horse. not house. horse.  
once, we were in the forest & i thought,
"yes let's get tethered." a room without walls
is a stage. a stage without a stage is
just an altar. i miss being a child
when the worms meant something else.
if you really want me to promise i can try
for you. i can. but it will be made of 
paper machete & it will taste like glue. 
this isn't about fidelity or infedelity.
i mean i cannot promise we are going
to be alive in the way we wanted.
without a ceiling & with enough water
to drink. i wash my face in the zoo.
the zoo tries to recruit me. why do i resist it?
it is about time i get into the reptile house.
behind the glass, i'll be lovely. goose-shaped
& full of heaven. i'll wear white for you
until we are both dust if i have to. 
pure as the snow which is to say
full of gravel & feathers & soot.