costume contest

how good are you at putting on
the little face? i sew my costume 
for the day from blood & butter.
eat my breakfast in the mirror
to make sure that the body doubles
know that i am always watching.
i tell my lover that it is incredibly important
to walk outside in the dark sometimes
if you want to see the same monsters
that i do. i have never won before.
the contest is strange & i do not totally
understand the rules. often there are ribbons.
on really sunny days a man in a death machine
parades around town & everyone comes
out of their houses to wave. i wait
on my podium with my makeup just right.
the judges could be a mailbox or they
could be a sign that says, "smile you are
on camera." when i was small, my favorite day
was halloween. i dreamed about it
all year. one day to feel like i was not alone
in having to try & put on a body.
school buses the size of shoes. a man 
stands challenging me to a costume contest.
i bring a spoon. he brings a gun. i tell him
the truth which is that i mostly do not
even believe i am human. i collect
the stars like pebbles. i try to call home.
no one picks up. the number goes to
a telephone booth in the middle of 
the old school my boyfriend used to go to. 
i bring a lung to a knife fight. i bring 
a television to a church. plug it in
to help me pass the time. what is a costume
if everyone is dressed? if the party doesn't happen
& instead we are looking for an outlet
to plug in a mouth. i used to lay out 
my outfit for the next day like 
a chalk outline. on the worst days
it would stand up & run around & i'd
have to go & catch it. the man accepts defeat.
a spoon is no match for a gun.
the category is hungry & i have brought mine.