uses for a violin

to sleep inside. to dream of
new hands. to become a sibling again
without all the rush of a new century.
i was jealous of your playing
so sometimes i would open the instrument
without you. i touched the bow 
just like no one is ever supposed to.
the horse hairs pulled tight to sing.
to paddle in a river of ghosts. to stand
on the chimney when the storm comes.
to call to someone far away, the notes
like parachuters across the cemetery hill.
still i hear someone playing when 
all of our smallness is gone. i will open windows
& doors trying to find you. to grow up
together is like trying to find
the end of a ladder. the attic, a shrine
to dead wall beetles. to hide a set of keys. to hide
a gender. to keep a religion without a god.
to fill with coins enough to buy 
our way out of this place. i used wish 
i could wake up & play like you did. 
my fingers, like tight rope walkers into
a place with no floor. you in the ocean,
using the violin as a life raft. the blue coming
stronger now. a ladle of bones. our father
in the crawlspace looking for violins.
the violin, unlike the guitar, has no instructions.
no "here is where to put your fingers." you have
to feel for the note. a voice beneath the skin.
you, holding the song by the neck.