dim the lights

i was eating in a lunchroom 
of dreams. someone said,
"dim the lights" & all of a sudden
we were ice-pop september kids.
in the u.s., a death & a sale
are the same thing. i am getting
much cheaper. i am willing 
to do a lot for twenty dollars. 
sometimes a movie comes on 
the tv without any warning. it reminds me
of being a girl in the pocket of
a really big man with round
fingernails. maybe he was smaller
than i remember. maybe he didn't
love me like he said he did. still 
it felt nice to be devoured. curled up
in a lightbulb. i prefer the softer rooms
where we don't have to be all
spot glow & monologue. i miss 
my cues. i fail to break into song.
in high school i was in the musical
which was as close as i'll come to 
being in a cult. there were girls
with voices & boys with boyness 
& i was neither. in dimly-lit hallways 
i practiced a few faces. turned
the sun inside-out & shook it for quarters.
stole my dad's car to visit a drive in
theater. there were birds behind the screen
telling their own version of events.
i preferred their show. less promise 
& more pantomime. the ghost 
in the light bulb was just me 
& my little gender. i get a hand pie.
bite done on sugar neon.
get back to a classroom without
any windows. a boy on the ceiling.
a boy, like a bat, in my hair.