tip jar

thank you for the fire money.
i am hoping that by the time
you see this that there is a god 
& he is having a really big party.
i want a goodie bag. i want 
my hands to be easier to hold. 
instead, i am opening bank accounts
& filling them with frogs. i am 
shooting at the moon in the hopes that
i'll win the big prize. there is a carnival
in a bad way up the street. it's been
spreading & now even in the night
the little booths glow with chances
to hold a big stuffed elephant. 
i remember smelling dollar bills
with my sibling. i stole from their 
bedroom once. i think it was quarters.
i needed a heavy payment method.
something less noticeable when 
the fairies came in through the cracked
bedroom window. i learned to bait
the tip jar. honey & a tiny airplane.
am i home yet? am i home? a mail box
is a mouth without a throat just like
a tip jar. i am working for your happiness.
tell me, do i translate to coffee or blood?
once, in the jar a got a man's phone number.
i've never known how to seal the deal. 
lots & lots of pennies. the man never
picked up no matter how many times
i called. i wanted my money. i have 
poured out as much butter as i could.
could he not see me, melting?