mad woman

i keep my mad woman in 
a little space ship. we go to pluto
to be forgotten. her fists are made
of video games. her teeth, rubies. 
she is my favorite parts of myself.
i visit her but it takes twenty-seven years.
each time she is bent into more
& more of a spiral. she loves to eat books.
she dreams of being a mother to something
wilder than herself. in the building times
where i am walking around like 
a zoo, i think of her. i see her in her
little ice garden on the blue surface
of a distant mirage i want to take her
to the mall. i want to let her break 
a huge window in a death machine.
just one would be enough for us to be whole. 
i do not know her as deeply as i should
after all these years. i don't know what kind
of cereal she would want to eat. i don't know
which sound sooth her. all i have done 
is banish her from my flesh. give her
sporadic kindnesses like a ring pop 
or a milkshake. she seldom indulges. 
just stares at me like a wolf in the dark.
she rarely speaks but when she does, it is critical.
"you think you can leave me," she said.
i did not reply. of course i thought i could.
isn't that what we all do? try to escape
the self who wants too much? 
only once did i lash out at her. it was 
a boiling time. i had no money in my account.
she chided me & i said, "at least i have
a credit card." she laughed long & fearless.
i felt so small. how did i become so small?
the planet is slowly shrinking. one day
she will come home. i do not know what
i will do with her. maybe we will finally reconcile. 
maybe i will run with her until i am nothing
but bone & wind.