sleep overs for fat girls;
did you lay in a pine tree last night
or play truth or dare with the frogs?

i learned when i was 10 that 
sleep overs aren't made for fat girls--
and neither are sticks of plum eyeliner--
draw the bulls-eye around my belly button
-- they taught me to 
avoid my own skin-- these hands
and their vampire desire to eat--
how dare a girl partake in something
other than air--
chant me into your 
truth or dare--
but i'll always be truth--
i'm scared of what skinny girls
would do if they had a dare to
use on a fat girl--
make my clothing into puppets
i ignore the laugh of a mirror--
see yourself amphibian-- glossy eyed
and full of ponds-- twisted 
lip stick staircases into a murky night
pull back like arrows--
impale me chalked blood 
on the bulls-eye--
bleed me nail polish on carpet
on thumb print
this is where you become a skinny girl's 
dice roll--
snake eyes of your unformed breasts--
make training bras from 
toilet paper and roll the dice
to turn 16 when they 
say none of us will still be virgins
how many doughnuts can she eat?
can't stop herself--she's like a dog-- 
a goldfish-- a fat frog ready for sex--
hold your fat body in
the lull of water in the sink--
the bathroom is a locked door--
pour yourself a bath of brownie
batter-- 
wait by the oven where your not a dare--
you become the corner pieces--
the misshapen sleeping bag
that looks like your stomach--
let's play
marry
fuck 
kill 
    the fat girls
so i slept in the pine trees--
pulled needles from my
sides-- and thought of 
who i would marry if 
i was a dice roll or 
new how to draw my eyes on
-- i would
marry the throats of the frogs
having intercourse by the ledge
of the pond in the back yard--
they warble brownies to each 
other and they like
their bodies fat for the winter--
i would be a queen--
a streak of plum eye-liner--
sleep is for girls 
who eat lipstick so
they awoke on the stale forehead
of another morning--
an open box of doughnuts--
broke in half 
as the last supper of secrets--
we love each other only
as far as we can measure a night--
they say
i didn't ever pick 
dare-- so they dare
me to be a fat girl again
and i laugh because that's what you
do when you're confronted with
a mirror--
eat the corner brownies so 
you have safe place to sleep--
marry 
fuck
kill
    the fat girls.