bless me body for i have sinned 

i first noticed my waste band when i was
in third grade & the halo
red line my jeans pressed around
my stomach-- me saturn-body
me neptune's faint hula-hoop
& my teacher ask me why
i kept running my hands over
the circumference of my stomach--
an attempt to find the equator--
take a compass to
figure out which way
i could travel to become
unravel the layers of my
hips-- i a mirror 
was meant to be a confessional
for us to enumerate our
sins
oh bless me body for i have
sinned against you from
the first time i painted
targets on my eyes
with olive eyeliner
to my hips i packaged 
in the neon ribbon of
a thong-- oh bless me
body i have made you 
playground-- poured mulch
for the little boys to stomp 
through-- these breasts of
sand he used to build his castle--
i'm sorry for every time i
said 
YES
only because i believed 
my mouth was meant to 
eat apologies
& saying
NO is another kind of death--
measured my height in the
tally marks on my wrist--
my hips turned into the twist
of a bonsai tree--
cut me
cut me
cut me into the shape
you want the sun to make me--
i'll strip from you in front
of the mirror to make it show--
grow taller-- break
the walls of the house--
burst head through the roof--
i've run these legs until
they turn to bologna--
kielbasa kneeling on the floor
of a gymnasium--
i promised myself i'd stop wearing
flowers in my hair
until i actually start
letting myself grow hydrangea
from my torso-- 
i don't want to be that
tulip kind of body--
pursed together like
a smile whose trying not
to eat-- i want to take
the whole side of the house
with the unbridled blush
of the larkspur-- the hyacinth--
the amethyst bulb
shatter mirror of the soul--
take the trow & plant
sunflowers in my freckles again--
eat snow peas from the damp grass
of the farm--
oh forgive me body
for trying to love you 
by selling you to boys 
with thick hands-- who
i teach to eat me like
scabs of monkey bread
saying--
take me
take me 
take me & build me
into something to be fucked--
to be caramelized
to be wrapped in the foil
of your bed sheets--
forgive me body for
making you breathe through
measuring cups
& the worn edges of the table spoon--
kiss like a half teaspoon
of peanut butter
body forgive me for
the bowls of brownie
batter i washed down the
sink out the fear
of the memory 
of licking the spoon--
oh bless me body for i have sinned
it has been twenty 
minutes since i last checked
my reflection in a mirror--
bulls-eyes painted
black--
lips draped in
uneaten red velvet cake.