& other love poems to girls named sarah

i am the name you write to
when you're too nostalgic to 
write her's again-- 
the place holder
the eternal princess of a 
blank space 
& a name you've been forming
since the first time you
saw someone kiss on a bench
in the park
where acorns fall like
fat drops of rain--
you write me love letters 
like a grocery list--
the enumeration of every
mark on my body you have wanted
to carve out a space
for yourself--
has no one taught you
how to love someone yet?
lately all the love
poems every addressed to 
a girl named sarah have begun to
collect on the concrete back
step of my house--
there's no address to write back
to so i read them to
an open window as a form of
exorcism--

1. 
people can be like windows--
let me crawl through you
on my knees-- leave
the keys under the doormat
i want to come home-- sarah 

2.
i'm sorry, you always deserved
more but i still think about you
when i order grilled cheese
at the diner on eighth street-- sarah 

3.
sometimes i think the cat
is looking for you-- then i realize
that she's just watching the cardinals
out the window & fantasizing about
a mouth full of feathers--
i realize i just wish i had
someone else to miss you with-- sarah

4.
when you're not home i sit
in your chair-- i'll never tell you
that-- sarah

5.
i'm scared it's to late to
tell you i love you after i forgot
your birthday-- i bought you
chocolate-- the kind you like
from the ice cream shop
with the big plastic cow-- sarah

6.
i hurt you-- sarah

7.
i think about you during
geometry class-- sarah

8.
do you remember me?
i wish you got my letters--
i guess you wouldn't be able
to read them all stuffed in
the top shelf of my desk-- sarah

1.
i knocked over the vase
but i bought you a new to
sit in the window--
it makes rainbows in the light-- sarah

6.
i hurt you-- sarah

7.
you help me remember the 
Pythagorean theorem
because i think of the exponents 
like your bows-- sarah

2.
i eat alone now
& sometimes i get breakfast with
my brother at that diner--
you always liked him-- sarah

3.
i want to put the cat up for adoption
but each time i try
it remind me too much
of mornings with you-- sarah

3.
i'm not sorry anymore-- sarah

5.
i love you can laugh
at the way i forget you-- 
it reminds me how selfish i
can be-- sarah

6.
i hurt you-- sarah

7.
i wrote you name & erased it
in the margins of the notes
for the circumference of the circle--
i could help but imagine
with you i could somehow spread
myself so thin that i could
cover the entire face of the earth-- sarah

6.
you each chocolate covered pretzels
even when it's warm & they melt in
the wrapper--
i hate how you like the stains get on
your jeans-- sarah

1.
leave the window open--
i want to come back inside--
i miss the curve of your salad forks-- sarah

6.
i'm sorry-- sarah

3.
i don't want to 
forgive you but i keep writing
this letter to try to be sorry-- sarah

2.
do you still order grilled cheese?
does she have a name or
are you in love with yourself?-- sarah

1.
people can be like windows--
shut & latched & foggy--
you're the type of window with
an electric candling glowing
from a dark room--
i love you more if you keep
the window shut-- don't let
me back in-- i'm only here to
watch for a minute-- 

1.
i want to say your name
& for some reason 
i just keep calling you 
sarah, sarah, sarah
i think that had to have been
your name but
it sounds louder every time i say it

1.
sarah-- this was 
always written for you