for girls who shaved their legs 
while i made pads out of toilet paper--

sleepovers are dangerous terrain
for oblivious bisexuales who 
shave their legs with
their father's razor stolen
from the medicine cabinet-- cut rows
in leg hair like a corn field--
i bled in snakey streams in the shower--
stood bare foot in blood--
Kate showed off her
pink & green razor at the sleep over & 
Jessie waxed & her legs were perfect like
they we were taught from the 
confessional of a cosmopolitan cover--
i didn't believe in that kind of
beauty but i was scared of it--
Kat sprayed shaving cream at us in the 
pink tile bathroom & we laughed--
Jessie un-clipped her bra & declared
us officially in sleepover mode--
i had hide my white bra behind 
the toilet at home in the hopes 
it wouldn't end up back
in the washing machine again & 
when i got my period a week earlier 
i didn't tell
anyone-- i knew what it was but i 
pretended it would go away--
treated my vagina like a scab
or a nick from shaving with an old
razor--dabbed with toilet paper--
sat on the edge of
the bathtub & asked for the blood
to stop--
Jessie bragged about how
boys snapped her bra straps & 
Kat was jealous not of the boys
but of the attention so she suggested
we sneak out to the gas station-- 
over flying saucers of stale glazed 
doughnut we played 
kill. marry. fuck. 
& i never liked it because i knew
whatever partners they gave
me to choose from that none of
them were attainable & my answers would
probably make Jessie & Kate
laugh  like girls do when they're trying
to be approximations of women--
Jessie asked--
what age do you want to lose your virginity?
Kate & her agreed on 16 
so when i said 25
they laughed nervously--
i didn't mean 25 because i wanted to
wait to be married or any other
reason i cited in the moment--
i said 25 because that was
the number of years i calculated that
it would take me to find someone
who could want to a clumsy girl
with rows of corn cut into
her legs--
frantically try to stop the blood
from bleeding through to her jeans--
we went to be without brushing our
teeth but i stayed up to make
sure i would be the victim  of
another prank-- there in the dark
of my friend's bed room
i got up & walked to the window
to open it & feel June drape my
body in the kind of Pennsylvania humidity
that feels like a hot body caressing
your own-- my face was oily &
my white sports bra had made red lines
where it bound me around my ribs.
i closed the window
& returned to the navy blue sleeping bag
between where Jessie & Kate
were asleep & breathing
in & out
so much like the wind
across the corn--