running away from my voice

escape is a lifestyle--
kneeling by the side of
my bed one night 
i yanked it out & tucked my
voice beneath my pillow
like a baby tooth--
now i wake up each day
& rename myself--
poke a skinny dollar-store
candle into a 
fresh pancake at a diner
& announce to the waitress
(her hands still full of
coffee pots)
that it was my birthday--
she might smile or nod
(confused as to why a stranger
would be announcing such 
a thing)
you see i travel so much 
i never end up at the
same diner two days in a row
so no one knows
how many birthdays 
i've collected--
i say
today i feel like someone who
would be named
Alice or Martin or maybe
Xander or Tommy or
Sarah or Robin
i mix it up-- you know?
get up before the sun has a chance
to recognize me or
my voice has a chance to 
discern my body from the rest--
occasionally if i sleep in
i start to hear it
again-- 
a rustling of leaves--
it starts innocent like that--
like a wind chime or
the hush of breeze through the corn--
a voice catches momentum all at
once-- thrashing in the limbs
of oak trees above
where i sleep on another park 
bench-- 
i unbend the metal from around
me & get up to start walking again
before it leaps back down
my throat--
it's hard explain what made
me decide to give
up my own voice--
it might have something to 
do with hearing myself
on a recording & feeling 
like the words were being
spoken to me by someone else--
i just wanted to sound different
& so i try on different lives
to see if one has a voice
like mine should be--
each birthday candle blown
out makes me new--
an accountant headed for the city--
an old artist looking for
a lover-- a carpenter
headed home to see his family--
this way i get to try on
all their voices--
finished a plate of pancakes 
& leave poetry on
the paper napkins at the diner--
oh don't get me wrong
i know it's coming 
back--
a voice always does
& i'll doze off one
afternoon & wake up with 
my name back in my own
mouth & that sneaky voice
crawling underneath my tongue
& i'll drive back to my
house after all this time
& i'll go back to 
waiting a year for each 
birthday--