anthony

i think i'm still
in love with a boy
named anthony who
sat next to me 
in the second grade--
we both agreed 
that allosaurus is
much better than T-Rex
even though everyone thinks
T-Rex is cooler--

we compared book-sale 
catalogs & we'd both circled
Jurassic Attack!
the cover with a velociraptor 
leaping out of the page--

we agreed that we
would be friends

he told me he was moving
to minnesota
 
& i asked how far a drive
that was & he said only a few
states away & i said
i would visit him--

i imagined states were
as far apart as towns or
even as close as sidewalk squares
i built him a farm house with
wooden floors
he left the porch light
on for me & we caught lighting bugs

he lived right 
over the railroad
tracks in fleetwood because
i didn't remember what was over
there-- 
i assumed
it could be minnesota 

i said i would
have my dad drive me
because he doesn't mind
road trips &
maybe we could read 
Jurasic Attack!
together

i asked if anthony had
a play station &
he said he was getting
one someday so i said
i'd bring over dad's dinosaur 
video game--
the game with the purple-haired
girl all dressed in leather--
i told him that i liked
it for the dinosaurs--
not for the girl even
though you had to play
as her--

he made me pinky swear
i would visit--

he told me that it
made him feel better
to know he'd still
have a friend--

that night when i went
home
to our row house 
on main street
i walked outside with my dad

i asked 
him to turn off the street
lamps so that 
the moths would quit
burning themselves 

he said he'd try
& we walked 
up & down 
the sidewalk
taking out each light bulb--

i told him that
i wanted to visit my friend
in minnesota &

he just held our blue plastic
sand bucket
full of light bulbs--

they clattered together--

i asked where the moths would
escape to 
without all the street lamps

& my dad said they'd probably
end up high as the moon--
knocking it from
the top shelf--

he said minnesota was
also on the top shelf--

& i told him we should
knock it down--
break it into a thousand pieces
like our blue & yellow
cereal bowls
on the kitchen floor

& all the moths 
smacked on the moon
-- got lost
lost in the stars &
didn't come down
until the spring

we floated
the light bulbs 
in the creek & 
they lit up-- little lanterns 
bobbing slowly
away-- 

i asked if light bulbs  
could ever be stars
& my dad said maybe but 
only if we could
pick up the pieces of
minnesota on the kitchen
floor--

i said that maybe
the light bulbs would
make it there--
to my friend & he would
know i hadn't forgotten

dear anthony do
you still like allosaurus?
it's okay if you don't

& it's okay if 
you never got a play station--

dear anthony 
did you get my light bulbs?
were they still bright
in minnesota? 

minnesota
right over the railroad
tracks in your great big farm
house with wooden floors 
& a porch covered
in lightning bugs--

if you read this 
take minnesota off your
top shelf
& mail it to me