this is a gay poem

this is a gay poem for
two reasons-- because i'm
writing it & because it's
about loving you--
this is a poem
about what kind of
boy you make me--
i'm a kaleidoscope--
turn me i'll be
whatever color your
want--
the broken stained glass
windows of the church 
that taught me to 
pray-- of what is
my penance for
this-- is there
an amount of hail mary's 
that will make my love
for you & my body something
other than a sin--
oh mother what kind
of son picks glass
from his heels--
oh i don't believe
in confession but 
i go anyway-- 
i take
i write
all the things wrong
with me underneath
my tongue
& hope that kissing
you can be some 
form of forgiveness--
oh you're never ready to
love someone--
& no one is ever ready
to love you--
it's not about being ready--
it's about how many
times
you're willing to 
have someone
else look through
you-- searching for
the right color--
the right shade of
man i have become--
the right shade of 
girl my god thinks
i am-- & 
he calls me 
wife of Abraham &
i say i'm married
to the color the sky was
this morning through my
window-- yes
this is another gay poem
by a gay boy
who feels the day
around him 
like fist-- course
knuckles of my father--
this day 
has scales-- sheds 
it's skin--
leaves bite
marks on
my ankles
this day is the snake
Mary didn't bother to
step on--
no fuck that this
isn't a gay poem--
this is a boy poem
this is a boy poem
about wanting
to grow a stained glass
window-- water it
& have it never ever
break--
if i were to die
today i want 
to be remembered as
the color
the sun was through me
window-- fish-tail
heart beat under covers--
oh what do you know
of this boy?
this kaleidoscope--
you love to turn
& turn