dormant 

oh igneous me--
the fragile rock--
tonight i found myself
empathizing with
Mount St. Helens
cough ask on my
pillow & all the people
ran-- scurrying like
ants-- i tell them to
evacuate their
houses & they claim 
they have been here
for generations & 
have no intention
of moving now just 
because there is
fire
dormant in me--
the act of self destruction
is admirable in
a mountain-- 
so much heat-- so much 
magma-born pain--
what color is 
the fire you swallow
at night before
you sleep?
here i lay growing
higher & higher--
take me for granted
as part of the skyline--
at night when the 
boarder of my
body begin to blur
into dusk
i want you to
purge yourself
of that same fire--
doubled over on your
knees on the tile
floor of the bathroom--
what's it like
having depression?
it's like Mount
St. Helens sobbing--
her body shaking
& her convulsions
are part of
the scenery-- the tourists 
say-- it has
been years since she
erupted
she's dormant
she's dormant--
you can trust her--
look she climbs--
i sweaty-palm grasp
the hem of the
skyline-- i say 
this is unstoppable--
my god my god
Saint Helen mother
of Constantine--
build Rome for me 
& when i detonate
rebuild me pillar
by pillar-- oh Saint
Helen-- of fire of fire--
what do you know
about being a dormant
boy? Was i your son--
constant as Constantine--
bones planted
femur & fibula
to give rise to
the Vatican gardens
where i sit now waiting
for god to
hold me together--
i don't mean
to ask so many people
if they believe in
god-- dormant--
i want to know
there's someone
i can ask to hold off
the fire--
i clutch my stomach--
furnace-- each rib
crackle--burn--
my tongue tastes of
ash & worry--
oh the truth is i have
loved reaching--
i have loved how
you small people
gaze beyond your 
small lives & see me
there stretch my arms
into the night sky--
hold back my hair
while i kneel on
the bathroom floor
magma charred lips--
oh Saint Helen 
of mountain mouth
of ashes--
fall down on  me
here-- i can't
stand being so
high up