i believe in snow men

& last night i
walked Spring home--
drunk & clumsy--
she laid across
two bus seats & slept
as street light after
street light 
blinked in the bus
window-- around
her grew tulips
& whistling daffodils--
lush green creeping
into the aisle--
i picked her
flowers & put them
in a vase
by her bed when
i tucked her in--
her humid apartment
on 5th street
reminded me of wanting
nothing more
than bare feet &
strawberries--
on the way home i pressed
my fingers 
to the cold bus window
& i felt the sky
yearn for snow--
for frost-licked
leg hair--
i dreamed of building
myself a snow man
like when my
brother & i 
would rush out
onto the concrete porch
& grab snow--
bare-handed--
checking if it was
good for packing--
melting through
our fingers-- crystal
fistfuls & there
the sapphires
were born-- slicing open
our soft
palms-- do you remember
bleeding water?
frost bite is
for non-believers--
i did't just dream 
of snow men-- i
said i believe
in snow men-- i believe
in the process
of rolling-- of
collecting
skin from 
your travels
& feeling yourself
grow thicker--
course & callous &
raw--
i believe in
building a spine--
one skin 
on top of
another-- it took
two people to hoist 
me as tall as i am 
& a needle
full of manhood 
to drop my voice
like a yo-yo-- 
oh snow men so men
where are you waiting
for me with
those red mittens
i lost in the snow
storm of 2009 
when there was nothing
but snow men pressing
down rooftops--
cupping palms
over porch lights--
filling our open
naive mouths with 
Styrofoam-- 
it takes so long
to melt
when the sun
is too shy to breathe--
do you know how
long i'll
take to decompose?
who wears those
red mittens &
is he a snowman--
lingering
behind the tight-skinned
night-- craving--
snow in her blood--
blizzards behind
her teeth--
i plead for
her to open-wide--
dentist--open--
she was scared
of coming on
so strong & there
on my concrete porch
i pressed me hand
to her forehead
& told her
that she was burning
up-- 
oh sick winter--
our snow men are
tired & so so thin--
i want to help
assemble-- bare-handed 
& shivering--
oh snow men i
covet your bodies--
your unwavering gender--
how you can melt 
a thousand times
& the little girls
still know 
you wear top hats--
oh there are no
snow women--
you rely on the kindness
of other cold queers
like me to
walk out &
test the snow--
you are born again
in me-- in my
night time 
desires for a body
so decidedly
sturdy & course
& man--
when the first snow
comes i promise
i'll be there--
ankle-deep in the 
front lawn-- 
making a snow ball
& bending down
to roll the first
sphere of a body--
tomorrow
let's be snow men--
weigh heavy 
on the roof
& cup the stop lights
in our hands--