if i fall asleep while
driving

i hope i dream
of us-- of
the highways of
your hair &
the knots in our
tongues--
i hope my car 
somersaults like
me in the grass
when i was 7
& just learning
how to flip the world
upside down--
we all loved
hour glasses &
trying to perform 
hand stands-- back 
against the wall--
crash into
the corn field--
fracture the windows--
feed the tires
to the krakens--
the deer 
will find me
somewhere
through 
the night sky--
crash of 
stained glass
& drop of the moon
on the dining room
floor-- 
on Old Mill road--
did you hear it
shatter &
did you hear me
fall asleep?
it was as loud
as the snow--
a quiet series of
kisses & regrets--
my eyes just
envelops 
to shut & send
you all 
the thousands
of ways i've 
see you-- when
you read my letters
do so 
in the open air
so that those pieces of
my soul can climb
back up into 
the clouds--
do you feel 
all the high beams
gleaming from
your body?
last night my
car was warm & 
i closed my
eyes at stop lights--
telling myself
that i could nod
off for
just one moment
just one moment 
& i wanted someone
to take over-- to drive
me home
while
i leaned the passenger
seat back & slept
through the 
rolling shoulders
of Pennsylvania--
no one wants to
drive themselves
home-- 
if i fall asleep 
while driving--
drift 
into the adjacent 
lane-- rapture
in someone else's 
headlights-- i hope
you know that my
evaporation
will be sudden &
painless
like the martyrdom 
of deer
jumping out of the woods
at precisely 
the wrong times--
loving you
was like swerving
to miss
a doe-- her
glassy coal eyes
brandished 
in the middle of
the road--
loving you was like
falling asleep 
at the wheel--
the chaos of 
warmth-- the thrill
of
open windows in
winter-- 
my goose bump 
skin heavy with
gravel--
i pull over
to pick up the
fragments of the moon--
how will we know 
when the sky 
is new without
her? how
will the waves of
our bodies
know to come back
to shore?
i wanted to 
call you-- tell
you to talk to me
so that i didn't
fall asleep
but i also wanted
to temp my body--
see how much
i wanted to 
drive home-- how
much i wanted 
to wake up
tomorrow in
the carcass of
a vehicle-- 
corn field stubble
of my legs--
the deer
huddled around
me-- wondering 
how it was that
a human
could sleep
while moves so fast--
they teach me to
have four
legs & they carve
out hunks of
night-sky for
my eyes &
i become enamored
of headlights--
craving your
high beams
in my body--
if i fall asleep
while i'm driving
home come look for
me & when you
find my over-turned
green volvo
that is where you start
walking-- wait for 
night fall--
i'll be the deer--
breath pouring
mist into
bare december