i wouldn't trust me
with time travel--
to be honest i wouldn't
trust me with most
precarious situations--
i empathize with
jenga-- see how
high i can get before
we laugh away our
knees--
i smudged 
the camera lens with
my thumb--
i smeared the 
concept of time in 
the process--
took the clock
hands & told
them to hold me
down-- pull my hair--
i used to hate
that-- it used
to make me feel
like a horse--
foaming mouth
& fistful of
reigns-- i hid
my hooves in sneakers--
time was always
a mess anyway--
i've been replaying
the sun coming
up again & again--
rewinding my own
chest rising
& falling as i sleep--
i often forget
the keys to my
skin-- sit here
on the coffee table--
blanket over my
shoulders-- 
i'm trying to 
talk nicer to myself
you ruin everything
you sometimes
cut forever into
pieces to make a scrap
book--
you should do more
exercises in sets
of 10-- 
you should think
of something 
kind to say-- 
i can hear you
telling me to
treat myself gently--
i'm not a gentle
person--
doesn't it
ever get tired of
raining?
i wear my shoes 
down-- a kind of nervous
erosion--
i empathize with
the Appalachian 
mountains--
getting so tall 
just to weather
themselves down--
i remember in
7th grade when they
told us they're
shrinking i
realize that
someday when we're 
all very very dead
there will be 
a slightly raised 
terrain 
the once shrugged
its shoulder for
me to climb on--
i don't think
time makes you 
love someone-- 
i dated the idea
of a boy
for 3 years--
walked up to north
look out-- hand in
hand & i wished
so desperately
to be alone--
i hate you
i love you body--
even if sometimes
i'm unkind & sometimes
we don't eat breakfast
when you're supposed
to & sometimes 
we meddle with
time-- back & forth--
brushing 
our soft brown
8 year old hair-- 
eating chicken nuggets
with honey barbecue 
sauce--
i should leave
things as they
were/are
but sometimes
memories
are better when
you hold them still--
cut off the edges--
the gnats--
the blisters 
on your heels--
i wish i was 
normal
i wish i was
sturdy in time-- that
i didn't have
to worry about
running away at
night--
where did i
leave the keys 
this time? 
this is the page
where you kiss
me & this is 
the one where 
i'm trying to 
glue the hands 
back on all these
watches--
all the loud
red digital
clocks just read
infinity
& yes it's 
my fault